I promised myself last year that on the next Valentine's Day, I would do something about my growing attraction to my captain.

Call him Jon or take his hand in mine.

Let my heart guide my actions. Tell him that the interest I swear I saw in his eyes was mutual.

So much has happened since that promise. I can't see him in his eyes. There is a darkness I fear there now.

I let this day pass me by. Into the night, I whisper my only concession.

A prayer that I can one day tell him he's my valentine.

***

Malcolm always comes when the nightmares are at their worst. I stand alone, surrounded by my demons. He says my name and takes my hand. I pull him into my embrace and the nightmare fades.

I'm awake now. The clock says it's tomorrow. Valentine's Day has passed.

I think I've always wanted to woo him. Romance him.

Make him fall in love with me.

I can't now. To lead others back into the light, I have to stay in the darkness. But my heart still glows. I made a promise to myself.

One day, I'll tell Malcolm he's my valentine.