Malcolm couldn't move. He watched, frozen in place as Travis kissed Lauren for what seemed like forever but was, in reality, only a few seconds. He watched Travis pull away with a small satisfied smile on his face.

What could he do? Why would Travis kiss her? What had happened?

Maybe it wasn't because of him. That was an even scarier though. Maybe Travis kissing Lauren had nothing to do with him. He'd turned down Travis enough times over these past weeks that maybe, just maybe, Travis had finally taken him seriously and moved on. It couldn't be though. It just couldn't be. Travis wouldn't do something like that, would he?

Malcolm had thought he was close to Travis. He had even thought they were in love. Travis couldn't move on so quickly. It wasn't right. And in the middle of the mess hall? In front of everyone? In front to him? Did Travis hate him? Or was he so easy to forget?

Malcolm felt rage build up inside. He wanted nothing more then to stride over and punch Lauren in the face, only he couldn't. He wasnâ€(tm)t ready to assault another fellow officer. Instead he settled for grabbing Travis and dragging the younger man out of the mess hall.

As he pulled Travis through the door he got a few funny looks but he ignored them. Let people talk. He wanted to know what the hell was going on.

He didn't stop walking until he got to his quarters and pulled Travis inside.

"What was that all about?" both demanded at the same time. They stared at one another for a moment.

"What do you mean?" Travis finally spat. "You're the one who pulled me half way through the ship."

"YOU WERE KISSING HER," Malcolm yelled. He couldn't help himself.

"So?"

"Why not?" Travis elaborated with a growl. "It's not like you're still interested. You're going to stop me from being with anyone now? That's just fucked up Malcolm. Now get lost, I'm busy."

Malcolm's jaw dropped open. How could Travis say that? He hadn't really been that bad, had he? Had he really hurt Travis that much? Before he could respond, Travis left. Malcolm turned and punched the desk.

This wasn't fair. All he could think about was Travis but Travis had been able to just walk away from him like that? Maybe it was a good thing that they'd broken up; Travis obviously didn't love him.

In spite of himself he felt a tear running down his cheek. He loved Travis. How could this happen? Was he going to be lonely forever? Was he going to end up as an old man living alone in San Francisco, annoying all the young people around him with tales of his life which really meant nothing to him as he'd been alone through them all?

He felt his knees grow weak and he sat down slowly on the side of his bed. He wouldn't be that old man. He didn't want to be that old man. But he was obviously incapable of having a relationship. He could never date one of his superior and Travis was the only junior crewman he found attractive. And even if rank hadn't been an issue, he could never be attracted to, say, Jonathan Archer. He loved Travis. He only wanted Travis.

A rage swept over Malcolm and, unable to quell it, he found himself tearing his quarters apart. First he tore the sheets off the bed and ripped them, before he shoved everything off his desk. He shoved the desk over, emptied the drawers and wardrobe all over. He punched the wall and kicked the chair, all the time crying hysterically. Why did life never work out for him? Why did he always have to go and fuck it up?

Finally, energy spent, he fell to his knees. He couldn't deal with it. Why did this always happen to him? Why couldn't he just let himself be happy?

***

Travis stormed out of Malcolm's quarters in a rage. He ran down the corridor, then did an almost complete circuit of the deck. Why did Malcolm keep doing this to them? Never mind Malcolm, why did he keep fucking things up? He didn't know what he'd been thinking when he'd kissed Lauren. When he went to the mess hall he had every intention of standing up on a table and declaring his undying love for Malcolm Reed. He'd got caught up with Lauren and Glen though and he'd seen Malcolm turn to leave. He knew he had to do something drastic to keep Malcolm in the mess hall.

In hindsight kissing Lauren probably wasn't the best idea. Hindsight is always 20/20 though. The fact was he'd kissed Lauren. On the lips. Right in front of Malcolm.

He loved Malcolm.

He didn't love Lauren.

Why had he kissed Lauren instead of Malcolm? He didn't know.

Why was he marching the corridor instead of apologizing to Malcolm? He didn't know.

But he nearly couldn't move. He was so scared. What if Malcolm wasn't doing this all because of a silly argument? What if Malcolm really didn't love him? Sure Malcolm had seemed jealous when he'd pulled Travis out of the mess hall but maybe what Travis had said was just the thing to finally convince him it wasn't worth all the effort.

Why had he said that anyway? Again, he had no idea. All he wanted was to go crawling back to Malcolm and maybe all could be forgiven. But Malcolm wouldn't want him.

It wouldn't hurt to go sit outside Malcolm's quarters for a while though. Just to sit. Malcolm wouldn't come out. He was probably celebrating. He was probably already in bed. Travis could just sit there and think about how much better things could be if he wasn't such an ass, if they could just both talk.

He walked slowly back to Malcolm's quarters. He didn't want to go there. He almost turned around but he forced himself to keep going. He had to go. Maybe Malcolm would come out and greet him and he could explain and everything would be ok. Maybe he would stay all night and Malcolm would stumble out in the morning and realize his sorry Travis was and take him back. Maybe none of that would happen; he just needed Malcolm close. Even if it he was on the other side of a closed door.

As he neared Malcolm's quarters he heard some banging. Worried, he picked up his pace and rounded the corned to Malcolm's corridor to find several of the other crewman coming out of their rooms and staring at Malcolm's door.

The noise stopped abruptly and the people in the corridor started to wonder.

"Should we call Phlox?" one of them asked loudly.

Travis stepped in.

"I'm sure heâ€(tm)s ok. I'll go check on him. He's fine."

Most of the crew knew Travis and Malcolm were close friends, so they headed back to their own quarters. Once he was alone, Travis moved to open Malcolm's door. What had happened? Was Malcolm fine?

He let himself straight in. He was too worried to wait for the doorbell. For a second he was taken back by the mess. Malcolm was normally so tidy, now everything was everywhere. He could barely move around with all the mess.

It took him a moment to spot Malcolm, curled up in a small ball sobbing behind the desk. Travis grew nervous. He didn't really know what any of this was about. If Malcolm saw him it might only make it worse. He couldn't let that happen.

But at the same time he couldn't leave Malcolm like this. He loved Malcolm. He crept slowly closer and reached out to lay a reassuring hand on his loves shoulder.

Malcolm's head shot up. Travis flinched but didn't move away.

"I'm sorry," Travis said. Malcolm didn't respond. He stared at Travis for a m oment, then wrapped his arms around the young man and let the tears flow.

Travis tensed for a second before he relaxed, allowing Reed to hold him. Then he hugged Malcolm back fiercely. He looked around for somewhere more comf ortable to move but Malcolm had demolished the bed and the one chair. He resigned himself to the floor and settled down, stroking Malcolm's hair and whispering reassuringly.

Finally Malcolm calmed down. He laid there in Travis' arms and the young man never wanted to let go. Slowly Malcolm stirred and reluctantly pulled away.

"I'm sorry," Malcolm started.

"Don't be," Travis told him firmly. "It's ok." Malcolm looked up at him appreciatively.

"I think I love you," Malcolm said softly, averting his gaze. For a moment Travis couldn't speak. Did he just hear what he thought he heard? Did Malcolm love him? Was there hope for them yet? He wanted to think so. He wanted to pull Malcolm close and kiss him.

So he did.

The kiss was soft, almost like a their first kiss. It was slow and gently and so innocent. It said all the things that really needed to be said.

"Why did you kiss her?" Malcolm asked. Travis took a deep breath. He had known this one was coming.

"I really don't know." he whispered. "I didn't really think about it. I just did it and it felt right and natural, yet not. It was like kissing my sister. I didn't want to kiss her and I don't lover her. I love you."

Malcolm sighed and nodded. He looked slowly around his quarters. They were torn to pieces.

"What am I going to do about all this?" he asked softly. Travis smiled and kissed him. It seemed he would have to be the strong one again tonight.

Travis rose and made his way over to the comm panel and opened a link to Glen.

"I need a favour," he told his friend. "I'm going to need the quarters for myself tonight. Can you find somewhere else to sleep?"

"Sure," Glen said. The comm link was cut and Travis was very glad Glen wasn't the type to ask questions. He walked slowly back to Malcolm's side.

"Wash up and we'll go to my quarters," he whispered. Malcolm nodded slowly then allowed Travis to help him to his feet. They walked slowly to the bathroom and Travis found himself cleaning Malcolm's hands, which were bleeding from causing the destruction, and wiping the tears from Malcolmâ€(tm)s face.

He led Malcolm back to his quarters, which were blissfully empty. They stumbled over to the bed and collapsed.

"Would you like to make love?" Malcolm asked him, softly and to the point.

"Not tonight," Travis replied. "Let's just sleep. We'll deal with everything else tomorrow."

Malcolm nodded and let his eyes fall shut. He was soon fast asleep. Travis lay there for a while watching Malcolm protectively. It wasn't often Malcolm relied on him and it hurt to see the other man so weak. He swore he wouldn't do anything to hurt Malcolm again.

***

Lauren collapsed in a heap on her bed. He'd kissed her. A soft, loving kiss on the lips. She didn't know how it had happened. One minute they were talking and the next those wonderful lips were pressed to hers. It was enough to make her melt. And maybe it was love for him too. She was happy at the very though. He loved her. He HAD to. She loved him so much.

Maybe things were finally going her way. But she could see so many ways this could go wrong. She knew though, whatever happened, she would not let Malcolm Reed get in the way.